Trial To Testimony

“Does my story of who I once was or where I came from really matter? It’s the outcome of God’s goodness that matters, not the journey…”

This question and thought rested on my mind one night…
Mike and I had a conversation that prompted me to think deeper about this. I had started to question whether or not it mattered to share where I came from or if my story was worth sharing. There are parts of my life that are heartbreaking, seemingly dark, ugly, and painful. While I am eternally grateful for God bringing me miraculously through every chapter of life, I still find myself fighting the worldly urge to hide. To keep the ugly hidden from the world’s eyes that my story is only seen for the results of God’s hands. I have only wanted to expose God’s light and joy in my life, not the pieces that He picked up or the pain felt. But, Mike reminded me that WHERE I came from, WHAT I’ve been through, and the WHOLE journey has shaped me into who I am today. God has used every word of my story to build and shape my life.
God has called us to live in victory & testimony, will we decide to accept that? And what good does sharing our testimonies do? The answer to this is what the Lord has been shining light on in my life. 

The beauty of letting God use or trials for testimony is that it can be plural. God doesn’t just use one hardship or trial, He can use everything if you let Him. Every blog post that I write is another little piece of testimony of God’s handiwork in my life. Every challenge I face, if I let God take control, can be a testament of His victory & glory. Isn’t it a wonderful thing to know that there is a God constantly working in our midst? He is continually working, warring on our behalf, and revealing His powerful plan. I control whether or not I open my eyes, heart, hands, and spirit to His presence. What will I choose for my life? Will I live bound to trauma & past trials, surrounded by sadness & hurt? Or will I let God take the impossible pieces and use it for His good and glory? 

Once upon a time, when I was younger, I would freeze if asked for my testimony. As a child, I thought that a testimony was a sacred thing that only certain people were given. Or that you had to experience a completely impossible trial to receive a testimony. When I was younger in Sunday school, I used to use my mom’s testimony as my own. I spoke about how God had healed her from Crohn’s and how she was still my mom because of God. While this is a testimony, it wasn’t my personal one to share. God showed me as I grew deeper with Him that my testimony is a personal story of God’s hands on my life.
Over the past years, I have watched God work in my life and add to my testimony of His power, love, healing, and grace. I’ve seen with my own eyes that He can take anything, no matter the circumstance, and turn it for a testament of goodness and His grace. I am convinced wholeheartedly that there is no such thing as a small testimony or a singular testimony. The world has lied to us far too much for that to be the case. 

For me, Alayna Joy, I want to choose testimonies (plural).

I choose to let God use the ugly to add to the beauty of His ever-growing story for my life. Then I choose to proclaim His goodness and expose what the Lord can do.

If someone asked me to write a book including every testament of God in my life, it would be an ever-growing book. I have lived almost 22 years on this earth, and God has been evident through every moment of it. But for the sake of time, your attention, and point of this post, I will share a snippet of what that book would include. 

The Lord provided: when I lost my job unexpectedly 

The Lord provided: the exact people I needed in every season (a continuing testimony)

The Lord healed: my heart, mind, and soul after abuse (a continuing testimony)

The Lord saved: me from depression 

The Lord restored: my joy after great loss & grief (a continuing testimony)

The Lord provided: peace when my mind overthought or doubted (a continuing testimony)

The Lord is ever-present: through every valley and mountaintop (a continuing testimony)

Looking at these few things, you can see that some of them are a continuing testimony. God is ever-present, which means that there isn’t an end to His work or presence with us. Isn’t that encouraging to know that no matter what, He is here? While the world and lies of evil try to tell us that God can’t do it all, God does. While the lies of evil try to tell us that our problems are too small or too big for God, they aren’t. Throughout the Bible, we can read about the works of the Lord through generations, even in the darkness. Throughout my life I can see the Lord’s works, even in the ugliness. He has met me in a hard day, a hard week, a hard year.
Never once has He pushed away from me because my circumstance was too dark, or too small for Him, or too big for Him.

Our creator didn’t create us to merely roam the earth, enduring every worldly trial alone. Like a shepherd to his sheep, our Heavenly Father tends to His sheep (people). He watches over us, goes after us, and rescues us when we cry out to Him.

In Psalms 66, it is written like this:

 “Come and listen, all you who fear God,
    and I will tell you what he did for me.
For I cried out to him for help,
praising him as I spoke.
If I had not confessed the sin in my heart,
    the Lord would not have listened.
But God did listen!
    He paid attention to my prayer.
Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer
    or withdraw his unfailing love from me.”
Psalm 66:16-20 NLT

If you read the whole chapter, you will see the theme of giving God praise for all the miracles He has provided for you. I love the picture it paints by saying to “shout joyful praises to God, all the earth”.  It doesn’t say to be quiet with our praise, but to be LOUD! Can you image all the earth lifting up a joyful shout all at once to God? What a beautiful medley that would be! The whole chapter portrays, especially in verse 16, that we are meant to share what God did for us. It says “all the earth” shout, not just specific people or to keep to yourself.

Among other scriptures, Psalms 105 also speaks to the topic of sharing what the Lord has done for you. 

“Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness.
Let the whole world know what he has done.
Sing to him; yes, sing his praises.
    Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds.
Exult in his holy name;
    rejoice, you who worship the Lord.
Search for the Lord and for his strength;
    continually seek him.
Remember the wonders he has performed,
his miracles, and the rulings he has given, you children of his servant Abraham, you descendants of Jacob, his chosen ones.
He is the Lord our God.
    His justice is seen throughout the land. He always stands by his covenant—the commitment he made to a thousand generations.”

Psalm 105:1-7

Continuing in the chapter, it goes on to list works that the Lord did for His people. Those that received His power, grace, and provision did not go silent. They went forward speaking His praise and Psalms reminds us to remember the wonders He has performed. As I read through this, I thought to myself, “what if I finished writing the chapter?”. What would be written and shared of God’s handiwork? I ask you the same question, what would you write? Where have you been and how have you let God change your circumstances?

Something that weighs on my heart often, is watching the world take the ugly and either glorify it or hide it completely. You see some people that have been through the wringer, experiencing great pain or darkness, wearing it like a prized possession. Those people may say they are through it, but they aren’t healed from it really. I watch as they show off their wounds, reliving it everyday. They have claimed the name “victim” and wear it permanently. That breaks my heart to see, read, and watch around me. On the other side, I watch as people stuff everything down to keep the “ugly” hidden from eyes. They carry on with life, may be thankful internally for God’s help, but don’t express it. This also breaks my heart. 

I have been on this side and it seems to weigh me down more than it should. The questions arise; does it matter if I share my story, or, does it matter where I came from if I’m in a good place now?

Especially when I’ve faced the darkest times of my life, I’ve gone through phases. I’ve tried to handle it all myself, saying I’m healed from it, but reliving it daily. Then when I finally welcomed God into my trauma, I tried to hide it from the world. For some reason, at least for me, it is harder to let people in to see everything rather than God. It’s hard for me to imagine that people could see past MY flaws and see GOD’S work through it. But something that God has pulled on me about has been to share about HIS work. This life is bigger than us. It’s bigger than me, myself, and I. This life is for God’s glory, not for mine! So if the Lord has done something FOR me, let it be seen THROUGH me. Let me shout and proclaim His mighty works! We can only be obedient in the pressing of the Lord, when He speaks to us. 

Another thing to note is this; each testimony is like another tool in our toolbox to reach those around us. Mike shared that view with me when we first met and it has stuck with me in the best way. The Lord created us to work with Him for His glory.

“As God’s partners, we beg you not to accept this marvelous gift of God’s kindness and then ignore it. For God says,
“At just the right time, I heard you.
    On the day of salvation, I helped you.
Indeed, the “right time” is now. Today is the day of salvation.”

2 Corinthians 6:1-2

The places that we have walked, if we so choose, can build us rather than break us. We aren’t made to wear a necklace of trauma and table of victim. The Lord wants to give us redemption and healing to proclaim. Then as we receive God’s renewal, healing, freedom, comfort, and peace from those valleys, we have experience to share. The Lord can use us to speak into lives of those that are in that valley. Isn’t that a wonderful thing?

Think about it like this… what if someone is also dealing with abuse or has been through it and doesn’t know how the Lord can meet them? What if they feel like it’s too dark or too big for God? What if they feel like it’s too shameful? What if someone is going through grief and feels like they are drowning? Could this be an opportunity that the Lord is asking for you to be His hands and feet? Maybe it takes a step of obedience and humility to bring His light to a dark valley.

I have been in these situations and would have loved to have someone come along to speak into that. Challenges in life, no matter what they are, can be lonely. While God is ever-present, He also places people into your life during those breaking times. Sometimes, you have one-on-one conversations with them, or have a lasting friendship with them. Other times, it’s in passing or seen in their written words. The Lord can and wants to see you used for glory. He wants you to be healed from your trauma, not dwell in it. He wants you to share the glory you have seen through Him. 

Where you have been isn’t WHO you are, it doesn’t define us. The Lord defines us and our trials are WHAT God can use to shape you. The Lord defined us before we even took a breath and uses everything to for His glory. I have seen that He never wastes a single word, minute, or day if you give it all to Him. There is NOTHING that is too big, too “ugly”, too “dark”, or too shameful for Him to use the pieces. You can be whole again and use those times to walk with others sorting through the pieces. 

My prayer for this blog is that it reaches those that it is meant for. It’s been on my heart for some time and I have been praying for His right words and timing. As I feel God’s tugging and timing, I will share more of His testaments in my life. I am always open to talk about what the Lord has done in my life, it brings me great JOY to share what my heavenly Father has done. While it has taken me some time to truly see God’s purpose for the valleys I’ve walked through, I am grateful for them no matter how ugly the pieces may be. God has used everything to shape me into who I am, how I think, how I speak, and how I give. If God can use these testimonies for others as well, I will humbly be a catalyst for His work. 

I ask you now, what pieces did the Lord pull together in your life? Where has the Lord walked with you? Whether you have seen God work already in your circumstance or you are looking for hope, God can use it. There is hope, healing and strengthening to receive if you are looking for it. If you have walked through a valley, I encourage you to share what the Lord has done. You never know who around you might need to hear of God’s grace and spark hope in them.

All glory be to God for renewing what was once thought to be dead. Praise be to God for lifting our heads to once again see His glorious light. Let the world know of His active hands and everlasting presence. We are because He loves & lives.

-Alayna Joy