Forgiven Without Apology

As a child you were probably told to “go and apologize” to someone at some point in your life. A wrongful act was done or words were said and someone became hurt, therefore requiring an apology.

I remember on many occasions seeking forgiveness from someone that I had hurt, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Then there were the times that I awaited an apology from someone that had wronged me, causing hurt. That’s how we have learned forgiveness as children. If you were to make a wrong, you should ask for forgiveness. Likewise, when someone hurt you, you’d await the apology for the chance to forgive.

That last sentence is the part that I want to share on the most. Recently I was given a brand new outlook on forgiveness and apologies. God has opened my heart and eyes to a new perspective that has stirred up something within me.

When we get hurt, whether it be by someone’s action, words, or even things left unsaid, we tend to want to have that person apologize. To have the wrongs and hurt acknowledged by them so that they are aware and you can be justified. Maybe we want to have the option to forgive them or even to not give forgiveness.

There are two major things there that I want to touch on…

1)      We are created to forgive and not hold to a grudge bearing heart.

2)      What if we did not wait for a spoken apology to forgive?

Our habit has been to wait until presented with an apology or acknowledgement of wrong to then give forgiveness. Why would we forgive someone before they have even asked for said forgiveness? Shouldn’t they repent for their actions or words and THEN have the chance to receive forgiveness?

When my mind is flooded with debates and question such as these, I am drawn back to the example of Jesus. His word and life on Earth is the greatest blueprint for us. Jesus came to the Earth without our asking, it was His plan for us with great purpose. Then He faced the cross, dying for our sins, paying for our debts without a word from us. He gave us forgiveness even before we asked for it. 

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Romans 5:8

Now, I want to make a note here and say, I am not saying that we don’t need to ask for forgiveness from God. We are called to repent for our sins, acknowledging our downfalls, and wanting to turn from them. But our God is a forgiving God, that doesn’t not hold a grudge against you. It says that “while we were STILL sinners, Christ died for us.”. Even as we were still sinners, doing wrong, He acted in love and forgiveness. This characteristic is what I was shown that flipped things upside down for me.

Why do we hold to these hurts, wearing them around our neck, until they are acknowledged? Why do we wait for that one person or many to come and apologize before we forgive and heal? Holding on to our hurt only keeps the wound open and fresh. While letting healing take place can allow a scar to come forth. A wound is open, allowing more pain, infection, and issues to fester. A scar is closed, showing healing and providing protection from infection to arise. This applies to our lives and how holding on to past hurt can cause even more harm.

 I will admit that I have held on to hurt, even without fully intending to. My lips would say that I have moved past it, but my heart still clung to the pain caused…

The other night during a time of worship and lead prayer on the lawn at Liberty, God touched this area of my heart. He pointed out this thorn I had left buried beneath the surface. I had been avoiding it because deep down I wanted an apology. For the past few months, I have wondered why there was still this pain that continued to flare up. I realized that I was wearing my wound, waiting for an apology that I did not actually need. That open wound was causing pain and affecting areas of my life that could promote growth if allowed to heal. Even though I didn’t intent to, my heart became grudge bearing towards ones that do not deserve it.

 I sat there in the grass on campus, struck with this thought…

My Creator, Father Almighty, has forgiven me even before I speak. He does not bare ill feelings towards me until I apologize. He went as far as dying on the cross for my sins even before I was born. He did this for everyone and those to come. But here I am, holding on to wrongs of the past, obscuring my view of God’s glory and healing around me. I was unintentionally waiting for the healing to begin with someone else, instead of letting God heal me.

Think of this, why are you waiting on someone that does not have the power to heal? Are you seeking an apology for the intention of forgiveness? Or are you seeking something else that will not benefit either party?

Our God is a God of redemption, renewal, and healing. What if we asked Him to come, redeem, and heal that wound? Think of all the time and emotional drainage you could save yourself…

There is such peace and comforting silence in forgiving. All the thoughts, anger, and pain that was once screaming out in echoes, comes to a halt. Silence can wash over you and peace floods the cave that once held those echoes. No one truly wants to stay broken or hurt. Our souls and bodies want to be whole, it’s how we were designed. So let us be mindful of our intentions behind craving an apology. May we begin to break out of our hold habits and ask ourselves “Am I seeking something that does not to be given by man?”. 

Let our peace start with our God that can give us overwhelming peace.

Let us forgive without an apology. 

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:31-32